Think of a mixed gender basketball game that requires shorts be worn to the knees. One woman has the brilliant idea that men and women on her team should wear short-shorts to distract the other team. No matter how brilliant the idea and whether the tactic of distraction (often used by women) would work, the referree won’t allow the team on the floor and thus they lose the game by forfeit. (perhaps long tight shorts would distract and be the answer:) – but you get my point)
My example is an extreme, Just as you mention embellishing –
For women to assume that we can substitute our strengths and win is naiive. The Men’s Club is strong and tight. The Women’s Club on the other hand is not even existent in most cases and often ‘catty’ and ‘back stabbing’ – women hurt themselves often. Just as there are those men who support women in business, there are those women who are great mentors and supporters and trustworthy allies. Seeking a support base of like-minded women and men and stepping up to play in the game that exists is crucial. If I cry every time I get knocked to the floor, I better not choose to play b’ball with the men.

One thing that strikes me is that the two key scenarios are entirely different situations which call for different levels of yourself to be participating. It is excellent advice for a professional woman to keep it toned down a little when out drinking with the team on a business trip. It is also good advice to participate in a business leadership forum during business hours. It doesn’t need to be either/or, and suitable behavior adjusts to different professional scenarios.

Since it sounds like she has an emotional attachment to this company and wants to make it work. In that case, I hope that she can find middle ground to tailor pieces of advice she receives to the scenarios she is in to help feel true to herself while succeeding. Otherwise, I am rooting for her finding a different company becuase there probably is on out there much more suited to her natural style.